Mother Theresa
There is a story behind the reason for posting this quote. Tune in later.
A blog dedicated to sharing the joys and challenges of being the mum to a large family.
There is a story behind the reason for posting this quote. Tune in later.
But what I really don't understand is how parents manage all those kids!
Well, I can not speak for all parents but I can say that in our home we use a combination of means to keep order. I have a huge schedule that is about 4 feet wide and three feet long. Across the top are the days of the week and down the side are the chores and under each day of the week is the name of the person who is responsible for that job. Some parents prefer to just ask whomever is around to do the job that is needed but I found that when I did it like that, that I often ended up asking the same kids over and over. It seemed as if a few of my children were born with extra sensitive antennae that allowed them to figure out when I was about to look for someone to was dishes, change the garbage or a diaper, and they would simply vanish.
So I came up with a schedule that offers variety, but is rarely changed. As children get older and can handle more chores, than I take the time to update the chart but as it is a very large chart - it is not a chore I am eager to tackle. (Even mums can be lazy too!)
I also have competitions that allow kids to earn movie nights by winning chore races. If you earn a movie night – you get to select the movie we watch as well as what treats we have. We also can earn points with clean rooms that allow us to have a special treat on Friday nights.
As we are coming up to Advent, many of the children are doing extra chores to earn extra points so that they can buy treats from my treat box with their points to give to the sibling that they are the secret angel to.
Every Thanksgiving we draw names from a bag or basket and we keep drawing until everyone has pulled a name that is not theirs out of the basket. So if the oldest daughter, Amanda, pulls the baby’s name, Elsa, from the basket she is then the secret angel to that child and will leave little treats and gifts though out the weeks of Advent for Elsa to find – usually on Elsa’s pillow. She also prays for that child and does acts of charity for her. For example a secret angel might slip into their person’s room and make their bed in secret.
Then for Christmas, Amanda will buy a gift only for Elsa and Elsa will give a gift to the person she is secret angel to. (As she is the baby, I will do this for her.)
But even with all of these schemes to keep order in our home, we still experience chaos on a fairly regular basis. Have any of you watched the Home Alone movies? Well, the general bedlam that you see as the two families rush out the door to leave for the airport is the typical morning scene at our home as we zero into the last minutes before take off time in our 15 passenger van for daily 7 am Mass. We try to go to daily Mass as it really helps to have these additional graces but, to be honest, we do not always make it every day of the week
I wonder what the house sounds like, because in mine it’s not the quietest.
Some families on TV don’t fight and that is so weird to me because my families always fight, I sometimes wish that my house could be very quiet.
When we first moved to this house – I thought I would lose my mind. I even considered looking for a different house because this house has plaster walls that echo and echo and echo and echo…. But we adjusted to it.
But typically there is always a back ground hum going on. Someone will be practicing on the piano, someone else will be listening (at the same time) to their favourite artist on Rhapsody while another person is playing a computer game what is bleeping and dinging. Occasionally a little one’s voice rises in an argument with another sibling over all of this music. Sometimes I put headphones on and listen to a radio program while I work at the computer so that I can concentrate. And sometimes it is very, very quiet. And that usually means trouble is brewing somewhere. (And yes I agree, families that don’t fight, argue or have disagreements on TV are not normal! Learning how to settle differences of opinion is an important skill to learn in life.)
What kind of job does your husband have to support 12 kids? I think that the amount of grace God has given your family is amazing.
My husband used to work for a very large telecommunications company, NORTEL. Then the high tech bubble collapsed and many people were laid off. My husband was one of the last to be laid off from his company so by then – there were no jobs left in his area of expertise. So he took a hobby of his and turned it into a business. We lost our home and our van and we have had to build our life completely back up from scratch. We are still struggling. We only have eight children still at home but it is still a lot of people to support. Our oldest sons have made a lot of sacrifice to help the family. Our son who is 20 has stayed home and not pursued further education so as to help his father with the business. Recently we learned that he has a serious heart condition which was very hard for him as his dream was to eventually join the army. Now he might not be ever able to do this. Still, he works hard to help us and is trying to discern what is God’s will in his life. Hopefully he will completely recover from this heart condition. Our oldest son has taken two semesters off from his University studies to help with the business and is hoping to be able to continue to help us with the bills next semester with a part time job while he finishes his last semester at college. Our oldest girls have helped whenever they can in little ways and they have certainly prayed a lot for us.
The past six years of our life has been a very long test of faith and we have been blessed with the opportunity to actually see ourselves grow in faith. It has not been easy and sometimes we have felt that our faith has failed us greatly - only to be given the graces we needed to get up, dust ourselves off and start yet again. And each time it has been just a little bit easier. What has kept us going is that we have tried to remember that God never gives us more than we can handle. And sometimes – it is ok to get angry with God and demand more graces. Just two weeks ago – I cried out to God that He must absolutely give me more graces if He wanted me to carry this cross any further because I was falling! Never be afraid to call on God for help, never be afraid to tell Him “I can’t do it, YOU must carry me now!” I have had to do this a lot the past six years and I have realized that I will have to keep doing this the rest of my life. I simply can not do this alone – Jesus and Mary are my partners. Mary prays for me and Jesus gives me the graces through her prayers.
Is it a hassle to have that many kids??? But I bet it’s a blessing to have so many kids.
Is this many kids a hassle? Not really, but making 30 or more sandwiches can be a hassle. Keeping track of the number of socks we need – can be a hassle. Trying not to lose any of them (the children, not the socks) at the zoo – can be a hassle. Settling the numerous arguments can be a really big hassle. But every single hassle is more than worth it for we are paid over and over in love and blessings. I am almost 46 but I feel as though I am still in my late twenties or early thirties. I am so very, very blessed. There is always someone nearby me to hug and kiss or to hug and kiss me, or to remind me in no small way of God’s love for me.
Now if I was this mom I would really want a couple of priests and nuns out of such a big family.
We are praying that we have a few vocations out of our family. My husband and I think it would be very strange if we did not. Besides if ALL of them got married and even only had four children each, we would have 48 grandchildren, and if the average number was 5 than we would have 60 grandchildren - and I am not sure I could remember that many names. Whatever happens, I think I will be needing a very large calendar to be able to record all of the special dates and occasions that we will be able to look forward to as grand parents, and hopefully also as the parents of some members of the religious.
I sometimes feel like my moms only paying attention to my sisters or my brothers. With your family that would be super hard.
I think that this is super hard, even when you only have four children as each child is an individual and brings his and her own needs to the family. These can greatly vary. When we still only had four children our youngest had serious food allergies that were affecting his behavior that required us to focus a lot on him. Sometimes the other children felt very jealous and did not understand why the family rules did not always apply to him. As adults now, they understand but then – it was very difficult. It was also very difficult for us.
Still we made an effort to compensate and have from time to time, we have made the effort to take one child at a time out once a week, so that each child had an opportunity to spend time alone with one of their parents. We have not done this as much lately, because with the family business there has often been the occasion to take children, in small numbers, on business trips. Sometimes they have even been able to go alone with their father on long trips or short day trips. We are continuously adapting and changing how we do things based on where and what we perceive the greatest needs to be. Again – this is where our need for God’s graces comes in. We are able to gain the graces we need through attending Mass, receiving Holy Communion and also through Confession. We try to take advantage of these sacraments as much as possible.
But in addition to this, we have also told the children that it is important to tell us when they are feeling alone and ignored. We have told them – “We are only human and sometimes we are not aware of what you are feeling so please, please tell us when you feel you need sometime alone with us.” This has helped because sometimes a child has done this and occasionally – it has been an adult child who has come and said – “I need to talk, there is something wrong between us and I want to fix it.”
I don’t know if they would have been able to do that if we had not made them, when they were children, partly responsible for the relationship between them and ourselves.
I think I have covered all of the questions that came up in the comments. And I want to thank you all again for the wonderful comments you shared about your thoughts about my article on family life and discerning family size.
I hope and pray that all of you have a peaceful Advent season and a wonderful Christmas.
God Bless
mum2twelve aka Christi
POLICE Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department
Missing Person
Date: November 13, 2007
(First) (Last)
Name: Kyle Fleischmann
Race: White Gender: Male
Height: 6'0" Weight: 180 pounds
DOB: 9-24-83 NIC Number: M826970506
Eyes: Green Hair: Blond
Date of Last Contact: 11-09-2007
Last Known Location:
Complaint Number: 20071109-201500
CCHS CLASS OF 2002
Additional Information:
Kyle was last seen leaving the Buckhead Saloon at the corner of
November 9, 2007. Kyle was wearing a dark colored shirt and blue jeans.
The cell phone activity on Kyle's phone is in the uptown area and mainly in the 1st Ward area. The
activity on the cell phone concludes around 04:00 AM.
Anyone with information about Kyle, Please call
Crime Stoppers at (704) 334-1600 or 911
Detective J. L. Tuttle (704) 336-3949
Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules " From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
As the mother of a large family, I am often faced with a barrage of questions when someone learns that by large we mean we have twelve children in our family. They range from;
’Did you birth them all”
Yes.
“Did you always know you wanted a large family?”
No.
“What is their age range?”
2 years up to 24.
“Any twins?”
No.
And finally; “How DO you DO it?” to which I usually respond: “One at a time.” And that is the secret, one at a time. I am mother to twelve individual children, each with their own personality who each brings their own brand of blessings and challenges to our family. Just as I gave birth to each child, one at a time, I also minister to their needs one at a time. It is difficult and sometimes overwhelming, but it did not happen over night so there has been time to adjust to the increasing demands on one’s time and energy. I think this is what most people have a hard time wrapping their minds around, that while an even dozen children is a large number to parent, our family evolved over the years and did not erupt overnight into the large crew of children they see me with. As our family grew God blessed my husband and I with the insight, the energy and the resources to care for us all. It has not been all roses, but I would not change one iota of the past 24 years.
When my husband and I married we, like most newlyweds, dreamed of a family. We even had a few names already hand picked and waiting for the right child. Did we “plan” to have a large family from the start? I would have to say no. Initially when my husband and I talked about family size I naively dreamed of two baby girls followed by two baby brothers, close enough in age to be good playmates. Little did I know that God would bless us with that, times two with the added bonus of yet another four blessings. How did we determine if, or when, we should say no to being open to more life in our family?
Initially we simply felt called to be parents to as many children as God was willing to bless us with. My husband had a well paying job, we were both healthy and our children were all healthy, even if a few had rocky starts in life. Over time as we matured in our faith and began to study the teachings of the church regarding birth control, giving particular attention to Humane Vitae, we came to realize how instinctively aligned we had been with the teachings of the church and we felt encouraged to maintain our stance of being open to God’s will in our life. This, of course, was one pregnancy at a time. With the addition of each child we needed to review how we were meeting the needs of our family and if another child would take us to the breaking point spiritually, emotionally or financially. We are called, by the church, to responsible parenthood.
It was hard though sometimes when we saw how counter cultural being parents to a large family called us to be. It required my staying home as opposed to the popular concept that a woman must be fulfilled by being a career woman and only in doing so was she worthily contributing to society. It meant that instead of expensive cars, exotic vacations and up the minute fashions hung in our closets, we are content not with last year’s car model, but rather with models from the previous decade, camping vacations and Good Will often has lovely fashions that adorn the hangers in our closets.
Still, as difficult as it can be to be counter cultural in many ways, family size is not about what we want, but rather what is God’s plan for us. How open are we to His will? Some couples are given the cross of infertility and are lead down the path to parenthood through adoption or fostering, or even called to live a life without children. Others are called to have children and of a varying number. We can only know what the right size is for our own family by aligning ourselves with God’s will and honestly seeking to know God and what He is asking of us. Our mother church has offered us wonderful and clear guidelines to help us discern the family size God is calling us to. It is up to us to make use of these wonderful writings and teachings.
As well as becoming familiar with these teachings, I have had to become knowledgeable of my own abilities and limits. This self knowledge has helped me recognize how much I need God’s graces in order to parent the children He has blessed me with. Being the mother of such a large family is a very humbling experience that is filled with joy, challenges and much love.
(photo credit Paul Tomas, to see his work click here. )
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A tour of the local YMCA which included a visit to the nursery and all its cool toys, play ground equipment and lots of strangers.
Begin attending daily Mass with lots of strangers.
Meeting a new family with eight kids and their six cousins…. then has breakfast at the home of the eight kids.
Whilst visiting the above mentioned family you discover they have a ten month old puppy… that is the same height as a two year old.
Join a new home schooling co-op… filled with more strangers.
Begin attending Friday Classes and hang out with a bunch of other preschoolers we no longer remember from last year.
Attend a Eucharistic Congress with Mummy and Daddy and a HUGE amount of strangers.
So how does a shy two year old deal with this?
Why she behaves like a typical two year old while in public but then comes home and has a complete melt down, refusing to leave Mummy’s side for more than a moment. Wakes frequently at night and is in such tune with Mummy’s movements that she even sits up from a sound sleep if said Mummy leaves the bed for a call of nature. She naps in Mummy’s arms… and eats her meals on Mummy’s lap. But hey, she is at least carrying on in a normal fashion while in public.
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Mum2twelve for her complete faith in God's providence during struggles in her daily life. Her posts are funny, warm and lovely.

The silence reached out and woke me from my deep sleep and weird dreams. I lay there in the quiet predawn light, waiting for the weight from my limbs to lift. I squinted at the alarm clock trying to see the tiny fuzzy red lines and what numbers they were currently forming. It was already 4 minutes to 6, or if you prefer 5:56 am. If I am trying to convince myself I have oodles of time before I need to get myself and my brood up, then I tell myself it is 5:56. If I am being honest about how little time I really have, I focus on the fact that it is only four minutes to six and drag myself out of bed.
I lay there feeling Elsa’s warm fuzzy curls against my shoulder. Her warmth drew me deeper into the sheets leading me back to sleep. My husband’s quiet form on the other side of her also made me want to rejoin the world of sleep. I was surrounded by the sound of sleep. Camped on the floor were two midnight guests who had dragged in pillows and blankets sometime during the night. I sat up and peered at them.
My whole body called back to the comfy mattress and fluffy pillow, the hollow in it still formed and beckoning me to return to it . Oh, such a dilemma. To allow myself to drift back to sleep or raise myself and my entire clan so we could attend the 7 am Mass that is only 30 minutes away? Perfect timing for us. It is easier to get to this seven am Mass than the 10:30 Sunday Mass. When I can win the battle, that is.
Once up all we need do is dress ourselves and stumble to the van. No breakfast, no time to kill that is all too suddenly gone with everyone in a last minute tizzy. We are not even awake long enough to start feeling hungry until Mass is almost over.
What to do? It was going to be such a busy day… I had a list a mile long of to dos. Really, did I have time to drive 30 minutes to Mass and then back…
But then I wondered if, with such a long list of important items to complete, could I really afford NOT to go to Mass? Who, if not our Lord, could give me the energy and strength to accomplish all I have to?
If I printed the list of all I actually accomplished today – you would be tempted to think I was lying. But you would know how I did it. All the Glory be to God! And now… I think I just might go see if that little hollow in my pillow is still there and, if it is, I think I will fill it.
Good Night!
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"For me prayer is a surge of the heart, it is a simple look towards Heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy."
... Saint Therese of Lisieux
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