Wednesday, October 05, 2005

"Oh ye of little faith..."

"Last Friday we learned some news that simply devastated us. While not entirely stripped of all hope - our business's future did not look very optimistic. The bank did not completely slam the door in our face, but left it open by just a sliver.

I stared at that small sliver of hope and tried with all my might to see it expand into an actual positive outcome. But so many times in the past, the door has slowly swelled completely and irrevocably shut. When my husband first came home and told me the news my heart just fell with a thud into the bottom of my stomach. I went upstairs to my room, kicked the laundry basket and cried.

My two oldest sons tried hard to put a good spin on it. While I was grateful to them - I also felt irritated, after all I am the parent. Aren't I the one supposed to be providing direction? My husband was very quiet, but also tried to be optimistic and accepting of the situation.

I wrote a few close friends and begged for their prayers for us. It was such a struggle, the temptation to despair was so strong and pulling me down. But I was determined not to give in. I grabbed a hold of that sliver of hope and prayed, and prayed, and prayed. 'Mary - help me not to give up. Mary - pray for me that I have the strength and grace to accept the final answer, whatever it is.' I also implored the Infant of Prague to whom we have been building a devotion to, and were in the middle of a novena to.

Monday the bank called.... the answer was not good, but again - was not a complete no. There was still hope. It depended on the new manager.

tick tick tick....

Wednesday, today, I worked hard out in the packing shed, with shed being almost more accurate than packing to describe the building. If there is one thing we all agree about this business - it is that packing is the most disagreeable part of it. And the most disagreeable part of packing is trying to find the right sized box for the item you are selling. Rarely, we get in a number of like items that require the same sized box, and happily a size we just happen to have in abundance at that moment. But, as I said, that is rare.

This day - it seemed as though not one box matched one item we had to pack. My two daughters, 14 and 12, helped as much as possible while 4 of their brothers helped their dad and a friend work outside, trying to beat the rain as they moved heavy equipment and merchandise into already over stocked outbuildings.

My husband, while carrying an item that weighed about 30 plus pounds, stepped on a rusty nail and in the agony of that misstep, dropped that piece of equipment on the ankle of the other foot. He had to limp about the rest of the day, when not resting both feet. By 5:30, we had about 18 items packed, and I was still out in the shed going through paper work and feeding my grumbling tummy with chips and soda water.

As paper whirred out of the printer, I noticed a shadow hobble through the door as my husband stepped over the threshold. I turned around. My husband looked at me and said:
"The bank just called." I sucked in my breath silently.

"They said yes."

I fairly danced a jig, and I think if Hugo had not been feeling so crippled with his injuries, he would have too.

And tonight Jonathan, our 20 yr old son, was reading a sermon from St Alphonsus Liguori to me and one of the quotes St Alphonsus used was: "Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?"(Matthew 14: 31) and it spoke so loudly to me. I am not just grateful for the positive answer, but that for the first time in a long time, I did not completely give up, and give in to despair. I was so tempted to.

Thank You, Jesus, for prayers answered and Thank You, Mary, for prayers made." Read more!