Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Prayer to the Infant Jesus

Divine Child Jesus
In my difficulties: help me
From the enemies of my soul: save me
In my errors: enlighten me
In my doubts and pains: comfort me
In my solitudes: be with me
In my diseases: invigorate me
When others despise me: encourage me
In temptations: defend me
In difficult hours: strengthen me
With your maternal heart: love me
With your immense poer: protect me
And, into your arms, when I die: receive me
Read more!
I have received much comfort, strength and graces from this prayer. I have pulled it out again. I am worried that perhaps my post from yesterday (the 26th) seemed negative. That was not my intention. I meant only to share how sometimes, despite all that God has done for me I still struggle and I get frustrated with myself for being so like Elsa at the pool side - unable to just let go and trust. I also get frustrated with God.

I get frustrated with God because Hugo and I have been struggling for four years to understand and know His will for us. Some would say with the difficulties we have encountered with the business that perhaps God is speaking to us through the continued struggles we face with this business. Yet, we have asked God repeatedly that if this is not His will for us to please guide us in the right direction. Inspire us with an idea, open a door. Send us a sign we cannot possibly fail to see and understand.

I do not know if it is spiritual ignorance on our part that we have not been able to hear God or if it is that, for now, God is silent. I do know we have learned much from the struggles and challenges we have been through the past four years. I learned some rather upsetting news almost a week ago and while all appears to be working out - I still do not have a clear and resounding YES, all will fall into place and all will work out.

Therein lies my struggle with trust. God has NOT let me down yet. God will never let me down. Still - I have this fear in the pit of my stomach. Yet - what if the answer is no... Hugo and I will still live. Our children will still live. My husband and I will have to re-group and change our plans. What is so terrible about that, I wonder.

I am consumed with the what if instead of focussing on my duties, not just of the day, but of the MOMENT. I am living with my head in the future while my body tries to cope with the present, very unsuccessfully.

I have more thoughts on this swirling about, but I must lead the children in our daily Rosary and I am letting my wants get in the way of my duties. Read more!