Friday, August 01, 2008

Some days are just plain hard...

... and sometimes - it is not just one day - it is a series of days.

I will be honest - it has been a hard summer for me. While the release of our retirement funds, which is allowing my husband to pursue his Masters, has eased most of the financial stress in our lives - other forms of stress have replaced that stress.

While all professionals will agree a little stress can be a good thing - they all equally agree that a lot of stress is not a good thing. I think my summer falls into the too much stress category and my chest pains are agreeing with my conclusion. I feel extremely bummed, tired and worn out. Fighting a nonstop dental abscess for several weeks has not helped. But I digress - this is not the point of my post.

To be honest - I am not sure of the point of my post except to share the nitty gritty of real life in a real family. And to share a little of what I have learned about why God can push us to where we think we can not handle a moment more of the cross we are bearing.

Sadly - I cannot remember the author whom I heard speaking on EWTN last week as she shared her story of the birth of her fifth child and his short, but most valued and loved life that he had with herself, her husband and his four siblings. What stood out the most in her talk was her comment about being pushed beyond what she felt she could bear. She said that as a result of these moments, she had realized that in that moment that you call out to God that you can not bear it another moment - you have reached the moment where you have realized that you can not do it alone and that was what God was waiting and pushing for. That HE is not waiting for you to do it alone, but rather to realize your need for HIM to carry you through.

She said she thought the expression 'God will never give you more than you can bear', should be written as: God will never give you more than you and HE can bear.

This is what I am s l o w l y learning. I can not carry these burdens alone and that I must remember to turn to HIM in all things. This is not always easy to do. Why is it that it is often 'easier' to keep struggling than to remember that HE is waiting there with open arms to catch us before we fall - if only we will ask Him. I don't know the answer to that question, I just know that it is one of my biggest failings.

And so, while I try to gather my strength, try to rest in the Spirit and look for healing from the great Healer, I humbly ask your your prayers. I am just so very, very, very tired.

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