Wednesday, August 02, 2006


I crawled out of bed, my vision blurred with my contacts feeling like they were glued to my eyeballs. I could almost hear my back creaking while I groaned aloud at the effort of standing straight. I gingerly swiveled my head from side to side hoping to lessen the tightness that held it stiff. I felt crumbs crunching under my feet and I groaned again - this time at the painful thought of trying to swish a broom from side to side with the arms that hung heavily at my side. Tears welled up in eyes and I forced them back while also wanting them to just flow - hoping maybe their release would release me from the pain that I was in.

I pulled on the clothes I wore yesterday as I have yet to find all of my clothes, and the shorts I purchased yesterday were still in the van where I had left them. Yesterday was our 26th anniversary and we celebrated it with breakfast at Cracker Barrel followed by ice cream at Maggie Moos later in the day and I topped it off by coming down with the old fashioned flu. As I still had much packing and cleaning to do at the old house I swallowed 2 Excedrins and when those did not do the job I swished down two Advils which kicked in about 30 minutes later. Still I was not much good for anything but I did get a few laundry baskets loaded with clothing and thought about washing them. That’s as far as I got. I thought. Then I thought about sweeping the floors but again that is as far as I got. I thought about it. Still I knew I needed to do something useful but preferably something that did not require movement, not even my eyes wanted to move if not necessary. So I opened up my Vonage account on the internet and changed our phone number to a local number and then sent our oodles of emails announcing the phone and address change.

Several hours later when we pulled up in the drive at the new house yesterday I whispered to my husband; “Please would you scoop Elsa up and take her into the living room so she will not see me come in. “
He looked at me puzzled “Why don’t you want her to see you?”
“Well - I really need to go to the bathroom and I want to get my nightgown on before picking her up because after not seeing me all day she will be devastated if I have to put her down after picking her up. I can’t bare to do that to her. I just want to be able to crawl into bed with her and stay there for the night.”

So once I was all settled someone, I don’t even remember who, brought her to me and she and I cuddled together while she nursed herself to sleep. However I paid for my sins of disappearing from her for the day as she made up for it by waking every hour so as to comfort herself that I was really there and then would nurse herself to sleep again. And while I have acknowledged that my bed is (much) more comfortable than the floor, I must admit I have found new hills and valleys in it that I swear were not there before we moved and these nights I am vaguely aware in my sleep that I am about to roll off my side of the mattress.

When I awoke this morning I was so hoping to be over this ill timed bout of flu. Alas this was not to be, so here I sit, thinking about the floors in this house that need to be swept and the boxes that need to be unpacked and I wonder where are the shelves that we brought with us yesterday. But instead of cleaning and organizing I will have to spend my afternoon doing what I have complained and whined so much about not having enough time to do. Play and read with my little ones. And when it comes down to it - what is more important than that? The floors will eventually get swept and the boxes unpacked and the shelves will get brought into the house all in good time, but more importantly, after having had bit of a hissy fit earlier in the day, I will now model to my children how to gracefully accept the cross I am being asked to bear. Read more!