I am plogging along in my studies for the DOULA certification. So far the books that I have been reading are meant for midwifery, even though on the required reading list.
I have a personal prayer request for all who read my blog. My husband, Hugo, has applied for two jobs, one locally and one in Columbus. While I hate the idea of moving, I do really like Columbus, but as much as I like Columbus, I hate the idea of leaving two adult childrne behind in the South, esp my daughter who is about to embark on married life. So I think I would prefer the job here in nearby Charlotte. But it is hard to believe that we will even get a response to the resume and letter, never mind an interview! We have just had such a difficult past five years that it is hard to believe that something postitive will come our way. And that thought is a perfect introduction to my spiritual thought.
Most, no, all who know the difficulties of the past five years are simply astounded by all that has fallen on us. It is hard to understand the why, so we have come to the conclusion that it is better to focus on acceptance. But it is very, very hard to accept what feels at times like total abandoment by God.
A friend shared this excerpt from The Life of Padre Pio with me the other day:
"We can gather some faint idea of what God was working in the depths of Padre Pio's soul from the letters of this period. Speaking of his own sinfulness and wretchedness he says: "How difficult, Father, is the way of Christian perfection for a soul so ill-disposed as mine. My badness makes me fearful at every step I take" (4.7.1915). In this state of soul God often withdraws his presence for long periods and the sufferer can even believe himself lost: "Peace has been completely banished from my heart. I have become absolutely blind. I find myself enveloped in a profound night and no matter how I turn and toss I cannot find the light. How then can I walk before the Lord ? ... He has rightly thrown me among the everlasting dead whom He no longer remembers" ( 8.3.1916).
God permits, for the good of His servant, horrible temptations against faith when the soul seems no longer even to believe: "My Father, how difficult it is to believe"; and against hope: "It sees itself wholly rejected by the Lord." ( 8.3.1916). To these are added other trials of aridity and desolation through which the mystic enters more deeply into the knowledge of his own wretchedness before God and in the end feels himself forsaken by all. The devil too is let loose to plague the soul by all manner of diabolical temptations and illusions, in fact the mystic comes to feel himself so abandoned by God that he wonders whether all is not simply the work of Satan."
I do believe we are in a battle with Satan in our family. Surprisingly this gives me great courage. Instead of feeling abanonded, I feel challenged to give my all to our prayer life. All the more reason to continue in my decision to give up full time blogging and stick to weekly posts. Our prayer life, which the past month has fallen to even lower priorities that ever, needs to be revived.
How should we purge our homes?
(Click here to read the whole article, but note that this is not good reading for a young child. While one should be aware of the existence of Satan, we do need to protect the innocence of our children. )
We can pray the Rosary, says Father Fortea, "read the Bible together,
sprinkle Holy Water in the various rooms, come together before a holy image
and beg protection and so forth. The persistent prayer of a family, over the
course of several weeks or months, can completely destroy the demonic
infestation in their house."
After reading the complete article, I am more determined than ever to increase my personal prayer time and renew our family prayer life. Do I still waste time worrying. Sadly, yes. We have bills to pay and the business is still slow so please keep us in your prayers as well, as we come up on these deadlines.
2 comments:
I am not convinced God ever turns His back on us, or abandons us. In my loneliness, and often pain, I realize that when I am not joyful, I have abandoned God, not the other way about, and in the words of the Scottish him, "his trust ever childlike, no dead can destroy." His voice is always there within, when I stop focusing on the hurt to listen.
Dear dear friend. Can thee imagine how easy it would have been for Dietrich Bonhoffer to feel abandoned by God? He was a loving man of God, who gently lived God's love in the center of the darkness of Hitler's Germany. He preached that it is not enough to hold the Sermon the Mount as a goal, but if we are to call ourselves Christian, we are to live that lesson of love in every breath. And, I think he did very well at that. His brother or brother in law, I forget, was a part of military intelligence, and involved in the plot in the army to kill Hitler. For that, Bonhoffer was picked up in the wide sweep against dissidents. He had recently become engaged, and was deeply in love. He had every reason to feel that satan had intervened in his life, to be dragged away from his first deep human love. But, in that prison where he was tortured, he was a joyous light to all around him, including the guards who betrayed all that is holy in their treatment of him. He was not allowed to touch his fiancee in her brief visits to his prison. The last time, she turned as if to go, and suddenly jumped at him, and they embraced, she was torn away from him, and he never saw her again. But, he remained a light to all around him. Hitler hated him so, that even as the war drew to an end, he wanted to be sure Bonhoffer did not survive, and he was hanged. He was calm and at peace, even as he was led to be hanged.
I know, so all too well, I am not Bonhoffer. I, like thee, sometimes allow myself to believe God has turned his back ... but I know it is like the child who does not understand why ... and sometimes, God has not turned away from us, but we are part of a greater lesson. I know my troubles are part of the great mistakes our country, my faith, the world and I have made, and I must work harder to do justice for others before I can expect it for myself. I know that even a life of serving justice in a saint like obedience ... well, perhaps by my own pain and failure, God's plan is reveled, that even the good are hurt by the evil in the wake of bad policies. And, I know that I must as Aquinas taught, meet evil, not with anger, and hatred and evil, but with loving patience, as evil is a void, a great emptiness which may only be filled with love.
Thee knows my prayers, and the prayers of many, are with thee, and Hugo, and thy littlest to thy eldest. I feel I know a great deal of thy goodness from thy writing, and that good I see reflected in thy eldest daughters deep faith and commitment to know and follow God. Sometimes when we fail to see God's face in our troubles, others might see God's grace given thee. My prayers are that things turn up for thee, and that thee finds thy joy.
Thine in the light
lor
Oh my spelling! Scottish hymn not him!
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