Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tired to the point of being tearful and feeling guilty...

The dishes are piled up and despite the fact that I really, I mean really, want one of my own freshly baked molasses cookies I am "making do" with a Nonni soft baked almond cookie that is store bought. Gasp - did I really say 'making do' to one of those delightful cookies? Yes, I did because what I really want is a home made fresh from the oven molasses cookie and I am too tired to make them, despite being bed by 9:30 pm last night. (Could this possibly be because of the countless end to end doctors appointments, keeping track of several antibiotic prescriptions and attempting to jump start our schooling program after a two weeks sick hiatus??)

And I feel so guilty because instead of teaching math to my four year old who pleaded with me to let her do her math sheets - I cuddled my sleepy 10 month old who, after weeks of cat naps (a total of maybe four in the past week, each lasting a total of possibly 20 minutes, tops) crawled into my lap and voluntarily fell asleep. Could she possibly have done this because out of desperation the past 2 days we have put her down to sleep in, gasp, a crib - alone, and let her cry herself to sleep?

When she crawled into my arms and fell asleep I pushed away the guilt because after all she is most likely the last baby and how many more times will I have the opportunity to cuddle something so small and precious that is all mine. Regardless of why this clever little one decided to take a nap, I allowed myself the time to enjoy her warmth against my chest, the limp weight of her body in my arms and her head on the side of my neck as well as her baby fine hair smooth on my cheek. The dishes could wait, the baking could wait and the guilt could flee.

We are hours behind what I "wanted" to do. But the rest of the day is still here waiting to be filled and it can be started anew at any moment.

So I will try to ignore the fatigue & brush the guilt aside like crumbs off my lap as I have a cup of tea, enjoy my tusani cookie and then I will pull out the math sheets and also do a phonics lesson with Nathaniel. After lunch I will maybe try baking my craving and plan dinner.

It is never too late to start the day fresh...

Babies don't Keep...

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

~Ruth Hulbert Hamilton~

The full poem can be found here and the 8th comment (left by Sherry Goodwin) is particularly moving...



Soutenus said...

You are right, it is never too late to start a fresh day.
Plus, I think you made all the right choices (for what it's worth!)
Sending a virtual *hug* and a little prayer.
Babies do not stay babies; cuddle now. :-)

Anonymous said...

You are so not alone in being behind and so tired!and my excuses are not even in the same league as illness, but not so different. Its so hard when Daddy is away for long days on business trips! You are so good to help me remember what is most important! God speed!

dorry said...

soooo true!
Praying you get some much needed rest!