Thursday, November 05, 2009

Baby love

My head was both heavy and light and when I moved the room had developed the habit of spinning - just a bit. My fever had broken but still I was very impatient for bed and a good nights sleep. Cecilia was also obviously fatigued from this battle with the flu. Her eyes had become red rimmed and heavy. Her body felt even heavier in my arms as I leaned back in my chair cradling her while we both stared bleary eyed at Baby Einstein in hopes that sleep would soon find her. Slowly her body began to crumple into me as she relaxed into dream land. I nodded at her nine year old brother and he understood my silent question and checked her face. "She's asleep." He whispered and gathered his blankets around himself as he settled himself back onto the cot in the middle of my bedroom turned hospital ward.

Too tired to move, I sat in my chair wishing I had picked the one with the higher back so that I could let my neck rest. She was asleep but I did not dare try to transfer her to our bed yet. Her daddy was checking doors and turning out lights downstairs. With almost 100 percent of the house under the effects of this quick striking flu we were calling it an early night. The pounding in my head began to lessen as the Tylenol slowly kicked and I began to cough less thanks to the cough suppressant - most likely the culprit for the spinning room.

I felt the hard firmness of Cecilia's head warm on my neck and I leaned my chin on it and breathed in her sweetness while I let her warmth melt away my tension. I felt so blessed to be holding this precious weight in my arms. Almost two years ago after three years of no new additions to our family I had knelt at the alter and prayed; "Lord, either grant me the graces to accept that there are no new babies in our future or bless me with one more baby but please help me either way. I am open to your will - I just need the graces. PLEASE!" What I really expected was the graces to accept that my even dozen blessings meant that my family was complete but what I really desired was another baby. Within a month we learned we were expecting another blessing. Thank you Jesus.

Finally I felt brave enough to try to transfer her to our bed and gingerly rose from my chair and tiptoed around the cot carefully avoiding the doll house furniture adorning my floor and carefully deposited her on the bed and then I lay down beside her, ready to comfort her if she stirred. Almost immediately a cry issued from her hoarse throat and she struggled to sit back up and searched comfort in my arms, My tired body rebelled and screamed no, no, no, I need sleep. But my mind forced my body into obedience and I wrapped my arms around my little daughter and attempted to comfort her in her struggle to breath and sleep at the same time. Suddenly her daddy's strong arms, just as tired as mine, reached out for her and she was lifted into the air and he walked her around in the dark hallway beside our room quietly humming to her. Grateful for even just a few minutes respite I fluffed my pillow, stretched out my feet to find the coolest corner of my mattress and allowed my body to relax into my bed. I did not fall into a deep sleep but dozed lightly until I felt, more than heard, my husband come back into the room with our fitful angel. She was desperate for sleep and unable to find it. I sat up and arranged my pillows into a pyramid and stretched out my arms for her. She stretched out her arms to me and we cuddled up against the pillows. I begged Mary to cover her with her mantle of prayers and for Jesus to hear His mother pleas on my daughter's behalf. "Jesus please hear your mother's prayers and pass your gentle healing hands over my daughter and heal her. Allow her to sleep please." Eventually she found sufficient comfort to be able to sleep. She dozed on and off all night while I watched the soft red digits of my clock slowly dissolve away the hours of the night and bring me closer to dawn. One of my sustaining thoughts was 'when its morning one of her older siblings can hold her for a while and I can sleep then'. At last the digits on my clock announced it was time for my husband to get up to dress for work and Cecilia, feeling the extra movement, rolled out of my arms and sat sleepily blinking in the soft dawn light. Her tousled hair, round eyes and flushed cheeks stirred even more the love in my heart and my lips spread in a large smile as I stared down at my sleepy daughter.

My husband looked across the room just as I laid my cheek on her head and our eyes connected and he too smiled. Wordlessly we both acknowledged the beautiful blessing that our ten month old daughter is to us. I kissed her soft hair and wrapped my arms around her and she leaned onto my shoulder and the three of us silently felt the love that flowed between us and I thanked God yet one more time for His blessed answer to my fervent prayer two years ago. Thank you, thank you, thank you for my thirteen blessings.

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3 comments:

Beth said...

Fabulous post Mum :)

Casey said...

great, thanks a lot, now I'm teary eyed and worrying my kids. :) Beautiful post.

Soutenus said...

A stunningly beautiful post. Blessings, my friend!