Saturday, October 03, 2009

why am I not posting as often as I used to before we moved...

It could have something to do with sleep deprivation. Here is how a typical night goes here for me. At about 9 pm Cecilia and I will tumble into bed and she will nurse for 15 - 20 minutes until she falls asleep. Experience has taught me not to move for the next 10 - 15 minutes until I am certain she is in a deep sleep. At that point I can possibly roll over and fall asleep myself but not always. Sometimes my brain is still going a million miles a minute while my body is screaming
s l e e p.... s l e e p....

When that happens I often put a Netflix instant watch movie on my computer and watch it until I fall asleep. Bad plan that... because usually the bright screen wakes me when the movie ends and the credits are rolling. Then I put on a radio show that I listen to as I drift off back to sleep. Why do I do that? Because listening to someone talking away in the background helps to distract me from my racing thoughts...

Sometimes in addition to listening to a program I will simply recite a prayer over and over. Usually the Lords prayer. Eventually I doze off. At about 12 Cecilia typically wakes for a sleepy snack, Again, once I am sure she is slumbering deeply I roll over and fall back asleep.

Frequently we will entertain a guest or two during the wee hours of the morning. This night it was Elsa's turn. She was very thirsty... I shared my water bottle with her a few times until her thirst was finally slaked. She then settled herself down between Cecilia and Hugo pulling my blankets onto herself. Hence I continued to wake, on and off, because I was cold. I did not want to risk waking Cecilia in an attempt to remedy the situation. Even if somewhat uncomfortable I was still able to doze - a luxury I would lose if Cecilia was to wake up. Around 4 'ish Cecilia again snacked and before I knew it - it was seven am. It was light out and Emma pounced through the door filled with delight at the new day stretched before her and joined our already crowded bed. Hugo left to dress and attend Mass while I tried to pretend there were not three little bodies slammed up against me in one manner or another and tried to steal a few more moments of sleep. Strangely I felt as though I had never gone to bed and sluggishly wondered why I always wake up as tired as when I went to bed.

I figure its going to be at least another year or two before I start getting a good nights sleep again so perhaps I need to place my vitamins beside the tea box - I just might remember to take them with my morning tea if I do that. In the meantime while I try to cope with so little energy and a continuous back ache I might drop a note off in God's complaint box and ask Him why little ones have so much energy whilst those of us who are charged with their well being have so little....

Hence these days I am struggling just to get through the day, more often than not praying for the graces I need just to get through the next 15 minutes. I have some coping mechanisms in place that since our grand son has been born I have been too distracted to use. Things like a meal plan so we don't have to think about what the next meal is - its on a list and requires NO thought. Even daily Mass has fallen by the way side for me and I really need it.

So - while we have Internet again - it is often days before I can find the time to read other blogs let alone write something entertaining and worth sharing for my readers. I would love to have some witty and pithy comments to post frequently but my little gray cells are struggling just to keep up with the numerous Dr appointments we have these days and they just don't seem to have any energy left for you - my dear readers! I have even toyed with closing my blog as I feel that I am letting you all down with the lack of posts.

Still it is how a few family members keep up with us from a distance so I am hanging in there. Keep those prayers coming please! I really need them these days and hope to be back on the wagon soon. God Bless you all - those of you who are still loyally stopping by and checking in to see if I have had anything of value/amusement to share.



Wendy said...

Love your blog, don't stop! Your dear readers understand!

Beth said...

NO! Don't close your blog!

How's your grandson doing? How's Miguel and the baby's mama?

I finally had to get John Paul to sleep in his own crib because I could not get any sleep with that child in the bed! He joins us early in the morning but I get a good stretch without him, which is nice :)

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. Same for me here. I'll be praying for you!

dorry said...

Don't you dare***** close this FUN FILLED full of LIFE!
blog of yours!

Just do as you are,and go as you can, for WE understand life and its MANY issues.....

PRAYERS are a coming your way !
much love!

mum2twelve said...

Thank you ALL of you for your prayers and encouragement. Have not heard from Miguel but he seems to be doing well from his letters to Ashley. Seems he was told he was in deep doo doo and had to report... when he walked in to the office - puzzled as to what he had done wrong they congratulated him on the birth of Alexander. :-)

Alexander's mama (Ashley) is doing really well. Thanks for asking.

I don't use a crib... I have the hammock but Cecilia ( my fault of course) needs to nurse to go to sleep and I have not the nerves to let her cry herself to sleep. One downside to so many arms available is that we can afford to spoil our babies a little. I think if I were to move her to the hammock after she fell asleep she would waken... I have toyed with trying it though. I suspect we would both sleep better. Emma LOVED the hammock and did really well in it.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment.