Today - my spirits match the weather. It is dark outside and the skies are weeping and my tears mix with the rain. I am consumed by the monstor of envy.
Today I really need a mother. Someone to comfort me, someone I can call and talk to and maybe be cheered a little, and encouraged by to hold on a little longer. Someone to say "Hold on honey, maybe a change for the good is just around a corner." I can only wonder what it is like to have such a person in one's life.
Today I would like a sister, who is my friend - whom I can call and be cheered by. Someone I knew who cared and would always be there for me through thick and thin. Or a brother, older and wiser, or younger and cheerful. Someone who cared and wanted to hear from me, who would call back if he missed my phonecall. Again, I can only wonder what it would be like to know such a person.
What is it like? And as I look around me at those who have mothers and sisters and brothers in thier lives who are interested in how it is going for, who care enough to write or call each other I feel so incrediblly sad and angry. I am grateful for a Dad who cares and a step mum who is there but today I need a mother.
Flesh and blood who can wrap her arms around me and say; "It will be okay. I love you. "
If only I could feel Mary's arms around me as she is the only mother I have, but today - I really want a human being that I can love and talk to and hear her voice, low, gentle and caring.
But for what ever reason - this is not God's walk for me and today -I am rebelious and angry with God for this lonely walk. I can only pray that today will pass and tomorrow will be better and ask any of you who happen to pass by to pray for me to.
I am sorry for such a depressing post - but, if you have been blessed with a loving family - use it to inspire you to call your sister, your brother or your parents and tell them you love them.
In the meantime - I will continue to try and be the mother - I wish I had.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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6 comments:
I have been reading your blog for several months now and as I was reading today I can guess at how you feel. I have a mother but she lives far away and there are just some days when you need that human contact that no one but a mother can give. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Thank you!
Well... dear friend: I live quite alone, my wife works literally seven days a week, comes home after midnight, is away by 7am, no kids, alone in a rather cold city sometimes... I know that hollow feeling, and have had a good rant at God about it... often. The nice bit, is He does not seem to hurl thunderbolts back, and sometimes just saying "Ah come on already... " helps... well, more than pretending all is wonderful while simmering away inside. Don't know the why of it all, other than, I also find, sometimes God sends people my way who need to run into someone who knows what it is to feel alone and hollow, and still has faith. And... there are always moments of joy ahead... AND, He did send us a nice cup of tea... Tea can sort of be Mum in a cup... =)
Prayers for thee and thine...
lor
My Dear Christi!
The Divine Mercy chaplet is being said for you right NOW
The Blessed Mother is wrapping her arms around you right now!
I hope you FEEL the LOVE!!
I'm sorry you are having a crappy day. I have no doubt you already far exceed the mother you wish you had and want to be!
My mom died four years ago this month (the 19th) She had a long two year fight with cancer. I can really relate to how you are feeling. Take care, and God bless.
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