Our picnic was fun from the start....

...to the finish.
Bye!

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Asked for a Gift...

...which I have been reluctant to give.

I have not been asked to contribute for a shower gift, nor asked to give of my time for a volunteer project. I have not been invited to a birthday for a person to whom I do not wish to buy a gift. In fact, it is not a human that has asked me for a gift.

It is Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, who has smiled down on us with so many blessings through His Holy Image of the Infant of Praque. And now He has asked me for a gift. Just a little sacrifice, and only in a material sense.

You see, we had a little money coming from Canada, money we are able to receive each year out of our retirement savings. And each year within 5 - 6 business days of receiving the physical cheque we have had the funds so there was little reason to think it would be different this year.

With the cheque safely deposited, we searched the state auctions to see what might be available in the line of vans. Ours is really on it's last legs, or should I say wheels? The heater grinds and moans while churning out heat and when set on the a/c mode, still whines and moans as it churns out... heat. The brakes, at best, are iffy and the transmission thinks for a little while before it shifts gears. Gas mileage, well we just won't state anything here in case the Environmental movement is monitoring me. When it rains, the wipers don't make that much difference because of all of the leaks that drip down the inside of the windshield.

And there it was - my van. A burgandy coloured van. I was thrilled to see it had the same combination of doors that I have always wanted on a van and have yet to have. (You can see my priorities!) And it was right here, just a few miles away which would allow us to check it out and make sure it was operating fine.

As sson as we had a spare moment we drove over to the State Surplus Building. Hugo showed me where I had to stand in line to ask for the keys to the van. It was hot in this building - despite the huge fans and a trickle of sweat made it's way down my neck. I got to the front of the line and asked for the keys to auction number xyz123.
"Oh, I'm sorry - but those keys are already out. Ask back in about, ummmm, 10 minutes." Dissapointed and worried someone else might actually win my van I sat down, nearby, at the table people used to write out their bids. There were binders with old bids in them so I flipped through to see what other like vehicles had been won for. While thumbing through the worn pages I kept my eye on the door. Soon two young hispanic men returned a key. Trying not to look too interested, I asked again for the key to the vehicle I wanted to see. It was they who had had it.

With the key clasped in my hot little hand I caught up with Hugo who was scouting out possible bargins to bid on. We headed back out into the heat, and over to the car lot. We unlocked the van and I checked out the interior. It was clean. Hugo checked out the motor and was happy with it. And we were both tickled to see that the A/C worked. I sat for a while enjoying its cool breeze before we headed back to place our bid.

Back inside the large building I sat back down at the table and Hugo gave me a bid to fill out. As I carefully filled in all the appropriate sections the same two gentleman that had just checked my van sat down. One was chatting eagerly on his cell. In spanish, of course. Little did he know we were bilingual and Hugo and I exchanged glances. I could tell he was listening in case the fellow should let it drop what he was going to bid on and how much. I twiddled with my pen until the fellow hung up, nodded to his companion and they left. "Well?" I hissed in Hugo's ear.
Apparently the felow had not mentioned my van at all. We settled on a number we would use as our bid, high enough that we felt relatively sure of winning, but still well below the street value. If we won - it would be a bargin indeed.

Then began the twenty four hour wait. I felt completly confidant that we would win. So much so that I did not actually worry that much about it. I woke up the next morning with that Christmas morning feeling and when I came downstairs I saw that the screen of my monitor was showing the State Bids. Hugo had already been checking them.

We had won his bids and...we had won the van. That afternoon, counting my chickens before they had hatched, I bought liners to place under the children's carseats to help protect the ulphostery of my 'new to me' van. Little did I know that Jesus was going to ask me to give it back to Him.

The deadline for the payment for the van is this coming Wednesday, the day after we will finish our St Anthony Novena. I was confident that the money from Canada would be in the bank in time to pay for the van on St Anthony's feast day - it just felt so fitting that we would complete the purchase on his special day. But day after day there was nothing in the account. Still confident that all would be okay I called the bank to determine what the delay was.
This began an exchange of phone calls that would spread over several days, with each day bringing us closer to the deadline. A little pit began to grow in my stomach. Doubt knawed at meduring the night. Maybe it would not be okay. Maybe I wouldn't get my van... Maybe Jesus was asking me:

"Do you love me enough to say yes? Enough to say, Yes Jesus, I accept your answer of No. "

I balked at this. Surely after allowing us to win the van - Jesus did not mean to take it back. Did He?

Well, as it turns out, there is no way that this money will be in the bank in time. In order to stop a series of errors in judgement made by banking personel and other mistakes they made - we have had to ask for a stop payment on the the cheque. Then a new cheque will be cut and mailed to us. Even overnighted - it will not get here in time to clear.

But the land lord has agreed to wait yet longer for our cheque. We have been able to pay our Hydro bill. Before the insurance is past due some other smaller cheques will have cleared and we will be able to pay for it. The small auctions my husband bid on, and needed to win for the business, have been paid. It is very, very clear to me that Jesus wants my yes.

And so, reluctantly, I have said yes. Those two liners for the car seats are still sitting on my shelf and later I will place them under the carseats in our current 1984 van. It deserves a little love after all. I think my biggest regret is that I am not more joyful about saying yes. Little by little the past two days - it has hurt less and I have even been able to laugh at myself - a little.

And, hopefully, someday when Jesus says no, I will be mature enough to accept it without the pout. Read more!

A stroll down memory lane...

Part two and the conclusion are posted directly below part one which I have reposted at the top of the blog for the sake of continuity. Read more!

A stroll down memory lane.

Sometimes the joy of giving birth is marred by the news that your baby is ill. I remember a miracle that we received following the birth of our third baby and first son. It had been a normal pregnancy that had taken me through the hot Canadian months of July and August with our son finally announcing his presence in early September of ’85.

The labour had been the normal 8 - 12 hours of pain and misery that we get through with the hope and wonder that you will soon actually get to meet the little person who has been playing football for the past months with your bladder. Finally after many false attempts Jonathan crowned and was born. Although my third – he was at that point my smallest baby. Our second baby, a daughter, had weighed in at 9 lbs so this little fellow was almost a full 3 lbs less – a significant difference on the newborn scale.

The first few hours after his birth, so many years later, are now blurred for me but I do remember the first time that I changed his tiny little hospital gown and disposable diaper. His little arms seemed so fragile in comparison to dressing 9 lb baby, never mind my more recent experience with a chubby little 18 month old and a very self sufficient 3 year old. I gently folded his arm back, afraid I would hurt him as I fitted his fresh gown on him. I laughed at myself, imagining that anyone seeing me would think I was a first time mother, and not the mother of three.

I then settled down to feed him, but he was not as vigorous in his nursing as the first two babies had been. Despite my experience we were not falling into a good rhythm. All too soon I learned why when a sergeant major, disguised as a nurse, appeared at the door and gathered my son up and announced; “Your baby has jaundice and needs to be under the lights.” She efficiently wrapped him in his blanket and whisked him out the door in her arms. Shortly after my pediatrician appeared and assured me that all was fine and just a few hours under the lights would right everything, but in the mean time our nursing time was to be strictly regulated to 15 minutes every three hours. Not a great recipe for successful nursing and certainly not a regime I was happy to follow. I felt as though I was only getting to borrow my son for those few precious moments during which he suckled only half heartedly while a nurse would fuss over him with a cold cloth trying to wake him enough to eat. Then off he would be whisked again to settle under his lights like a Floridian bathing under the hot sun, with gauze pads for sunglasses. I was not even allowed to sit beside him in the nursery as I would be in the way. If only I could have just been able to sit there and watch him – it would have been so much easier. Instead I sat with my arms empty; hungrily waiting for my chance to hold my delicate little son, who was growing more yellow each day. It did not help to be the only one in my ward who did not get her baby each time the train of bassinettes passed by. My husband was busy with the two older children at home and unable to visit, but called often to see how his first son was doing. My progress report was never filled with progress.

My pediatrician was very dedicated and stopped by often to reassure me, but not even he could convince the nurses to break their strict rules about access to babies in their nursery. Eventually Jonathan’s bilirubin level leveled off and while it had not yet started to retreat – I was able to convince Dr. Simo to release Jonathan with the promise I would return to the lab in 24 hours for a blood draw to ensure his level had not begun to increase again. Anxious the doctor might change his mind, I called Hugo and urged him to hurry and pick us up.

Once home we settled in a happy routine of being a family of five and the girls happily dragged toys out to show their baby brother while I tried hard to keep him awake long enough to nurse. I tried all the tricks the nurses had shown me but little seemed to work. I tried not to worry too much, but worry I did. And rightly so – as time would tell.

To be continued...

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Part Two of my stroll down memory lane...

Our 24 hours were up and we made it to the lab and had the necessary torture of a blood draw performed by pricking the tiny heel of our now very yellow son. Still ignoring the knot in my stomach, we returned home and I continued to try and entice my son to nurse. His big sisters were disturbed by my waking the little fellow and making him cry with cold face clothes and sprinkles of water on his face. I too hated it, but did it repeatedly in hopes he might actually nurse for more than a minute or too before drifting back to sleep.

Friday, shortly after noon, the phone rang. It was our pediatrician’s nurse who informed us that our test results were in and we were needed in the doctor’s office immediately. With the knot that had been ever present tightening even more in the pit of my stomach, we quickly loaded the children into their car seats and, without delay, headed downtown to the office.

Dr. Simo met us with a very serious face and ushered us into his office. The grave expression on his face froze the knot in my stomach. He quietly explained that in the 24 hours plus since Jonathan’s release his bilirubin levels had increased to dangerous levels.
“I made a most grievous error in listening to a mother’s heart, and not my head, by letting you take Jonathan home before his levels went down. My mistake might have cost you your son. The neonatal staff is waiting for you at CHEO. You must go directly there and Jonathan will be admitted and a double blood exchange will be done in hopes of saving him from permanent brain damage. We can only pray that we are not too late.”

Hugo’s eyes caught mine. The guilt I felt was immense and the doctor’s following words cut even deeper. “You must not nurse him any more. It appears you have ABO incompatibility and as a result have built up antibodies during your pregnancy and these are attacking your son’s blood still.”

“What?” I gasped. “Do you mean I can never nurse him again?” My husband stared at me incredulously; unable to believe I was questioning this when our son was so ill. Dr Simo replied, “It is too early to know, but for now the Doctors at CHEO have recommended that you not nurse him any more. In 24, 48 hours this decision will be revisited.” Stunned, I gathered my son up and stared at him – was my own milk actually harming him? My husband asked if we might use the phone to call a co-worker so as to arrange to leave our daughters with him and his wife.

“Actually you do not have time to do that. They are waiting, as we speak, for Jonathan. Every minute is essential. You must go directly to CHEO with the baby. I’m so sorry. I feel I have failed you.”

Wordlessly we directed the girls back out to the car. Sensing the stress, sadness and tension, the girls were remarkably quiet. Even 18 month old Jenny was silent in her hated car seat. I strapped tiny Jonathan into his car seat, barely able to keep the tears back. My mind was whirling. Not only had I begged to have him home as soon as his billi was stable, perhaps my persistent efforts to nurse him had actually been harming him. When I shared my fears and guilt with Hugo, he was too worried to be able to discuss it. Ultimately we just continued the half hour drive, in what was now rush hour, to CHEO in silence, each lost with our personal worries and feelings of guilt.

When we finally made it there we were whisked up to the NeoNatal Unit where the double doors loomed ominously before this tiny family of five that suddenly felt so fragile. I held Jonathan while Hugo clasped each our daughters little hands in his. We were all quiet.

The nurses on duty were huddled together watching for our arrival. One of htem came forward and greeted us and took Jonathan from my arms. My eyes filled with tears as Aimee suddenly cried out "Hey - why are they taking my baby!??" Not 'our baby' but my baby. She so clearly felt very protective of her baby brother. Another nurse stepped forward and knelt down to her three year old height. "It's okay honey." She reassured her. Your baby is sick and we are going to make him all better. She took Aimee's hand and brought her to the window of the room they had taken Jonathan to and lifted her up to see. A nurse was undressing him and doing the perfunctary examination, heart rate, pulse while another was preping him for an IV. He was too weak to protest.

She put Aimee back down and we then followed her to the room one usually passes by extra quietly when the door was closed. The family consultation room. This is where you usually saw the extended family of someone critically ill, consulting with a doctor and one instintively walked by more quickly while lowering your voice out of repsect for thier sorrow. This time we would be the consultees.

We waited anxiously for the doctor who would be handling our son's neonatal stay and, we prayed, his recovery. I do not even remember his name or his face. I only remember his voice, somber, as he broke the news to us.

"At this point your son's billi levels are so high that is almost inevitable that he has brain damage. The question is how much. The only option is to do a double blood exchange using a universal donor blood type. Then it will be ‘wait and see’ as we must then hope that your son does not reject the new blood and/or develop a blood infection. I'm sorry - I really can't tell you more than that."

CONCLUSION

My husband cleared his voice and I struggled with our 18 month old as she got bored with sitting still in this quiet, low lit, small room. It was littered with well thumbed magazines, but despite this being a Children’s hospital – there were no toys scattered about. Aimee sat quietly on the edge of her chair swinging her legs to and fro – her eyes clasped on the adults’ faces as her 3 year old brain tried to assimilate all this grown up talk about her baby. Hugo’s low voice broke through the silence as he asked he could please be the donor for his small son. We were at the peak of the AIDs scare and just in the doorway of the beginning of pre-testing blood supplies. His request was flatly denied as even if they were of the same type, his son’s weakened state especially required that we use a universal blood type, O negative, to try and eliminate as much as possible the chance of rejection of the donor’s blood. I felt the same helplessness, crowded in my chest, which I saw on Hugo’s face. There was little left to be said, so after murmuring a few more words of reassurance that we were doing the right thing, the doctor shook our hands and left to see how Jonathan’s prep for the procedure was coming along.

We gathered up the girls and ushered ourselves to the elevator and then to the lobby. Hugo held the girls hands while I fished for quarters in the bottom of the knapsack that doubled as my diaper bag. I happened to have my address book in there and we began making calls. I no longer remember the order in which we placed them but we called my parents in New Brunswick, a very religious couple in Fredericton, and a co-worker of Hugo’s. The co-worker and his wife invited Hugo and the girls to dinner and the couple and my parents agreed to pray and to ask others to do so. Our friends in Fredericton, we knew, were part of a very large prayer chain and in that we placed all of our hope. Tearfully I waved good bye and then headed back upstairs to take my place of vigil by my son’s window. Once more we were separated by a pane of glass and this time my sadness was overshadowed by my guilt.

As before he looked so peaceful, stretch our in his little cot – sleeping. It seemed he slept more now, than he ever had while tossing about inside my belly the last weeks before his birth. It was hard to believe that he was so ill. A nurse noticing me came out with a smile and a hug. She encouraged me to try and rest – your son will need all your strength once this is over and you need to learn how to pump your milk.

She had my attention now. I did not want to leave my son’s side for a second but this first hint that perhaps I might actually be able to actively do something for him, I was willing to go else where. She lead me to a room that was just for parents of seriously ill children where they was a sleeper sofa that could be pulled out for the night. Thoughtfully someone had already placed an electric breast pump in the room for me. The machine and I were about to become best friends. The nurse quietly explained to me how to use it and also reassured me that soon I would be able to try nursing my baby again but for the first 24 – 48 hours he would be on formula as my milk would surely have antibodies in it and in his condition his liver could not handle them. She tried again to get me to rest. She explained that Jonathan would sleep through the whole process and, once it was completed, they would wake me and let me come and see him. “You are looking at being here at least ten days, if your son progresses normally so you really must try to rest while you can. I can not promise this room will be always available for these ten days. “

I traipsed out one last time to see him before calling Hugo to ask for a few things that I would be needing him to bring me in the morning. Then I settled down for what I was sure would be a sleepless next four hours. But my fatigue took over and I fell into a deep and dreamless sleep punctuated only by the hallway speakers that called doctors from here and there.

A gentle shake woke me and I scrambled up, confused, and stared at the nurse. She smiled.
”Jonathan is awake, would you like to see him?” She pulled me out of the middle of the springy mattress and I hurried to the nursery with her. At least here I would be allowed to touch and hold my son while he recovered. They wanted me near to him as much as possible as they felt his mother’s contact with him would help him to recover. I couldn’t agree more. There was a rocking chair waiting for my tired body and I sat into it gratefully as I reached through the port holes of his incubator. I gazed at all of the tubes and flashing lights, while his nurse explained what they were all for. I leaned my head against the plastic of his bed and stared at my small son as his chest rose and fell slowly. I stroked his tiny hand and relished the softness of his skin. I prayed for forgiveness at my impatience to have him all to myself that had lead to his being released too soon. If only the nurses at his birth hospital had allowed me to sit by him, instead of claiming him all to themselves, I sometimes justified to myself. Then I would not have pushed so hard to have him released and then we would not be here.

In this quiet room with the lights generally down low, beside Jonathan was his little roommate, a beautiful baby boy who had been born full term, but had suffered severe brain damaged and had been airlifted to CHEO, his parents too far away to be able to be with him. My heart went out to him and his parents. The room was designed for four neonatal patients and of them all Jonathan was the smallest, even though at 6 lbs he would have been typically on the large size for neonatal patients. Across from us was an 18 month old who had lived her life to date in that room. Her family came once a month as they hundreds of miles away. She had been born with a heart and lung condition that would keep her confined to a hospital all her living life. The fourth baby was abandoned. His parents could not deal with his infirmities and he was now a ward of the province. Our son’s difficulties as serious as they were, suddenly paled in light of what these tiny children, and their families, were facing.

By Jonathan’s second day they were ready allow him to try nursing again. I was elated and scared. Would he reject nursing after two days of nipples and formula? Hugo had enjoyed a turn or two of feeding his tiny son but was happy for me that I could try nursing my baby again. Jonathan and I cuddled together in the rocking chair, practically my home by now, and immediately, with great gusto that was similar to how his older sisters had attacked their first attempts to nurse, this little boy settled into a good lunch. I was elated. Content, with a little drool of milk hanging about the corner of his mouth, Jonathan continued to sleep when I slipped him back under the lights over his incubator. Carefully I arranged the pads of gauze over his eyes to protect them from the bright, warm therapy lights. I was full of joy – such a radical change from just 24 hours earlier. The doctors were amazed at the quick recovery Jonathan was making. Instead of ten days they were now thinking he might actually be able to return home in five. They could not believe how quickly his billi levels were dropping. There were no signs of infection or, as importantly, of rejection of the donated blood. I tried not to think about AIDs.

Finally on day five our daughters, with the pictures of Jonathan that the nurses had sent home for them clasped in their little hands, arrived with their Daddy and better yet, also with Jonathan’s car seat. Even though surprised with Jonathan’s extremely speedy recovery, the doctors did not feel the need to question it and were ready to release him. While they might have been puzzled, I was not. I knew without question that we had been blessed with a miracle through the prayers of family and friends at home. God had seen fit to answer them. It was a long eleven years before the question of question of whether the blood had been tainted by AIDS or not would be answered. A few children from that time frame, and same hospital, did go on to develop this terrible disease, but we are very grateful to say that Jonathan was not one of them. Neither did he ever show any signs of the irreparable brain damage that they thought had occurred when his Billi levels hit such sky rocketing levels. Sometimes when reminiscing over this miracle Hugo will tease Jonathan that “Now you know what’s so wrong with you.”. In truth though, we just feel ever so grateful for this huge miracle that was handed to us on a silver platter. God is Good!

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My Knight in Shining Armor

Clearly my continuous remarks, self criticisim and frequent whining about the baby weight I have yet to lose from my last two pregnancies has been noted by my third son. Either that or my son has a career in politics waiting for him.

Last night as my husband and I were engaged in a breathtaking and dazzeling badmiton match on the front lawn Noah, 11, was on the sidelines enjoying my grunts and groans as I alternativly missed and hit that miserable little birdie. Suddenly as I swung my rack and was about to connect with that little blue birdies bottom Noah's voice broke through my concentration.

"Huh?", I asked wiping the sweat, err, perspiration off my brow. I turned to Noah and looked at him. He stepped closer to me and pointed to his hips and said "I've been waiting for the pants to get looser and now they are."

My jaw hung as I stared at him increduously, stupidly wondering why he was waiting for his black windbreakers to get loser? Noting my lack of understanding, Noah tried again. This time he pointed to my hips, notably larger than his, and repeated himself.

"The pants. Yours! I've been waiting for them to get loser, like your black ones. First they were tight, and now they are loser."

Choosing to ignore the adjective tight and accepting the rest, I smiled my thanks and resumed play, but with just a little more energy and enthusiasm than a moment earlier. Yep - I have quite the knight in shining armour in that boy. He just needs a little polishing. Read more!

From Chigaco to Ireland

Here is a really cool blog that was sent to us by Lorcan. Through it, one can follow the adventures of these fellows as they sail across the Atlantic to Ireland. There is a live map that is updated reguarly showing their (more or less) current location, photos of their adventures as well as video clips.

These sailors are familiar that areas that are dear to my heart, the St Lawrence Seaway, The Gaspe and even the city of Montreal. All places of which I have fond memories.

Following this blog could make an interesting geography unit for the summer.

Sailing to Ireland

I will try as soon as possible to add this as a permanent link on my side bar. (Please note I have not checked every post by these men on thier blog so if you should come across anything objectionable as you read their posts, strong language for example, please let me know.)

Hats off to Lor for sharing it.

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It's interesting ...

...what a little less internet can do in your life! Today I am caught up with my laundry, we ate our meals on time, my rugs have been steam cleaned and the down stairs is all picked up. The fact that I am hoping this trend will continue is proof as to how much I live in fantasy land!!

After a fantastic electric storm that just would not go away - we lost our internet and our phones. But to be honest, I was already caught up with laundry and I had just finished cleaning the rugs when the neighbouring electric pole was, if not out right struck, than was swept by the lightening strike that shot sparks through the air and gasps of awe and shock from our mouths. The thunder was almost simultaneous and rocked the log house we live in.

Seriously though how then, if it was not the lack of internet that freed up all my time so that I could carch up with the laundry AND wash the rugs on the main floor? Desperation and determination that was shored up with prayer.

We have declared condition alpha in our home and are determined that through God's help and Mary's intercession we will obtain control over our domestic lives and the business. It has been a very long, long haul and we are still struggling and will for some time yet. However - I thank God for this struggle because in our weakness, and sometimes our failures, we are showing our children what prayer and faith can do. More importantly, I hope we are showing them that we can not do this alone, but must depend on God for ALL things - even our strength.

Now - I must go to bed - or I will not be able to get up on time and the child who has been appointed monitor for this week will have to mark an X beside Mummy on her report sheet. And if I am not well rested, then my hopes that this trend will continue really will only be a fantasy. Read more!

Thank you Anonymous!

Anonymous left a great idea for a poll. Something built around Pentacost, family traditions, parish celebrations.

It would be great if we could have traditions etc shared so I could put them on the poll. This would serve two purposes - it will allow us to see what others are doing and perhaps inspire us as to what we can doas a family or parish. And it will also let us see if what we are doing as family or parish is quite common or somewhat unique.

My readership extends into Germany, Great Britian, Austraila and Canada and possibly some other countries with the bulk of my readers living in the US. I am hoping that we will get all kinds of ideas and traditions that I can include in my poll.

I'll be waiting....

Blessings
mum2twelve aka Christi Read more!

For the sake of continuity...

... part two of a Stroll Down Memory Lane has been posted below part one. I still have the conclusion to write - it's just been very hectic here and so I am writing in bits and pieces. I hope you don't mind! We spent much of this past weekend searching for a new home and parish. We just might be getting closer to an answer, but who knows just exactly what God's plans are for us. We will need a lot of doors to open for it all to happen. Read more!

The Poll Results...

In first place were those who were ambivalent about the movie at 50 percent.

In second place were those who ‘othercotted’ the movie at 29 percent.

In third were the folks who boycotted the movie at 9 percent.

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Brain Freeze...

I had a simply wonderful idea for a new poll while we were driving in and around and around Lexington today looking at houses for sale as well as warehouses for rent. But now that I am home.. pheet - Gone. Blank! Nada!

I can feel it floating about in the back of my brain... hopefully it will surface again tomorrow morning, and I can put it to use. Read more!

Elsa's first Birthday

Recently Elsa turned a year and as per our family tradition - she was treated to her first taste of chocolate. Quite a number of babies ago - we instituted this tradition in hopes of keeping older children from sharing too many goodies with the babies before they were even ready for table food. It has worked pretty well and the older children await the first birthday with great anticipation - anxious to see the look of delight and surpise in their youngest siblings eyes, and on their face, with that first taste of chocolate.

Join us below in the most recent celebration of this family tradition... Read more!

The delicous birthday cake, a Double Chocolate Mousse, donated by Sweet Loralee Bakeries

Our 19 year old caught cutting the cake BEFORE I had a picture of it!

Is some of that for ME?

What's this? MUD?

Emmmm! Elsa loves stawberries - who cares about chocolate?

Contented but very sticky, and maybe a little sick of chocolate?

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Par t Two...

Our 24 hours were up and we made it to the lab and had the necessary torture of a blood draw performed by pricking the tiny heel of our now very yellow son. Still ignoring the knot in my stomach, we returned home and I continued to try and entice my son to nurse. His big sisters were disturbed by my waking the little fellow and making him cry with cold face clothes and sprinkles of water on his face. I too hated it, but did it repeatedly in hopes he might actually nurse for more than a minute or too before drifting back to sleep.

Friday, shortly after noon, the phone rang. It was our pediatrician’s nurse who informed us that our test results were in and we were needed in the doctor’s office immediately. With the knot that had been ever present tightening even more in the pit of my stomach, we quickly loaded the children into their car seats and, without delay, headed downtown to the office.

Dr. Simo met us with a very serious face and ushered us into his office. The grave expression on his face froze the knot in my stomach. He quietly explained that in the 24 hours plus since Jonathan’s release his bilirubin levels had increased to dangerous levels.
“I made a big mistake in listening to a mother’s heart, and not my head, by letting you take Jonathan home before his levels went down. My mistake might have cost you your son. The neonatal staff is waiting for you at CHEO. You must go directly there and Jonathan will be admitted and a double blood exchange will be done in hopes of saving him from permanent brain damage. We can only pray that we are not too late.”
Hugo’s eyes caught mine. The guilt I felt was immense and the doctor’s following words cut even deeper. “You must not nurse him any more. It appears you have ABO incompatibility and as a result have built up antibodies during your pregnancy and these are attacking your son’s blood still.”
“What?” I gasped. “Do you mean I can never nurse him again?” My husband stared at me incredulously; unable to believe I was questioning this when our son was so ill. Dr Simo replied, “It is too early to know, but for now the Doctors at CHEO have recommended that you not nurse him any more. In 24, 48 hours this decision will be revisited.”
Stunned I gathered my son up and stared at him – was my own milk actually harming him? My husband asked if we might use the phone to call a co-worker so as to arrange to leave our daughters with him and his wife.
“Actually you do not have time to do that. They are waiting as we speak for Jonathan. Every minute is essential. You must go directly to CHEO with the baby. I’m so sorry. I feel I have failed you.”

Wordlessly we directed the girls back out to the car. Sensing the stress, sadness and tension, the girls were remarkably quiet. Even 18 month old Jenny was silent in her hated car seat. I strapped tiny Jonathan into his car seat, barely able to keep the tears back. My mind was whirling. Not only had I begged to have him home as soon as his billi was stable, perhaps my persistent efforts to nurse him had actually been harming him. When I shared my fears and guilt with Hugo, he was too worried to be able to discuss it. Ultimately we just continued the half hour drive, in what was now rush hour, to CHEO in silence, each lost with our personal worries and feelings of guilt and both anxious to make it to the hospital.

When we finally made it there we were whisked up to the NeoNatal Unit where the double doors loomed ominously before this tiny family of three that suddenly felt so fragile. I held Jonathan while Hugo clasped each our daughters little hands in his. We were all quiet.

The nurses on duty were huddled together watching for our arrival. One of htem came forward and greeted us and took Jonathan from my arms. My eyes filled with tears as Aimee suddenly cried out "Hey - why are they taking my baby!??" Not 'our baby' but my baby. She so clearly felt very protective of her baby brother. Another nurse stepped forward and knelt down to her three year old height. "It's okay honey." She reassured her. Your baby is sick and we are going to make him all better. She took Aimee's hand and brought her to the window of the room they had taken Jonathan to and lifted her up to see. A nurse was undressing him and doing the perfunctary examination, heart rate, pulse while another was preping him for an IV. He was too weak to protest.

She put Aimee back down and we then followed her to the room one usually passes by extra quietly when the door was closed. The family consultation room. This is where you usually saw the extended family of someone critically ill, consulting with a doctor and one instintively walked by more quickly while lowering your voice out of repsect for thier sorrow. This time we would be the consultees.

We waited anxiously for the doctor who would be handling our son's neonatal stay and, we prayed, his recovery. I do not even remember his name or his face. I only remember his voice, somber, as he broke the news to us.

"At this point your son's billi levels are so high that is almost inevitable that he has brain damage. The question is how much. The only option is to do a double blood exchange using a universal donor blood type. Then it will be wait and see as we must then hope that your son does not reject the new blood and or develope a blood infection. I'm sorry - I really can't tell you more than that."

To be continued...

Read more!

Where have I been the past week?

Things have been pretty quiet the past week on my blog because Saturday morning my husband and I took the family to South Carolina to explore for a new home. We cannot afford to continue to live in the area we are currently located in.

After exploring South Carolina we returned to the Charlotte area and stayed in a hotel there so we could check out the Mass at a very nice church in the area.

We visited with our second oldest daughter, Jenny, and then returned home, deposited a number of children with their older brothers and left within two hours for a business trip with three children.

So since last Saturday I have been to Spartenburg, SC (absolutely beautiful) back to our part of NC, traveled though SC again, then Georgia, Florida, Alabama, hit Georgia again and then SC where we explored Greenville - another really beautiful city, and then finally made it home again at about midnight. By the end of the trip Elsa was a nervous wreck and would not let go of me - she grasped my arm even in her sleep. Too many people had not been able to resist touching her golden red curls and she is a rather shy baby!

The end result of the past few days - beside collecting merchandise from Fort Eglin in Florida, we have decided to try and conference with our parish priest and look for guidance as to where to try and settle. Our first, very first, priority is a good parish where the Mass is reverent and large families are welcome. It needs be in an area where we can afford housing for a large family within 30 minutes of our new parish. If we can not find a home with sufficent land and some out buildings where we can run our business from, then we must try to locate in an area where warehousing is also cheap. It is a tall order. Thank Heavens there is a God! We will need HIM! We will also need everyone's prayers.

I have a lot of funny stories to share over the next few days! I just hope I can find the time to write them!

Blessings to you all! Read more!

In danger...

We are in danger at this moment. I can feel the temptation to get on with the day. And pass on the Rosary. The laundry is piled up way past Mt. Everest. And my two oldests sons need laundry for the wedding they are attending out of town tomorrow. The two dogs still need to be walked.

The shipping board for the business has reached ten packages and we are are trying to keep it to no more than five waiting to ship. More items have bids which means this number is about to surge even higher.

Children want cuddles and attention. Groceries need to be bought. Items must get lsited for auction and I must put together a meal plan.

The temptation to put prayers to the side and just get on with the day is great. Yes, we are in danger indeed! We are in danger of idolatry. My family is in danger of putting our work before GOD. So now I must stop, take a deep breath and put away the list of things to do that is compiling in my mind and just take 20 minutes to pray with the family. It is only in doing this that I can be assured of getting possibly half of the to do list completed. Most importantly, I will have Jesus and Mary at my side because I will have taken the time to invite them to join me in this sure to be crazy, hectic and completly normal day. Read more!

Looking for direction from big sister.

A few days ago, twelve month old Elsa and three year old Emma were playing together in my bedroom, and the air was filled with Elsa's chortles and Emma's giggles as they wrestled and rolled about on my bedroom floor. At one point they made their way onto my freshly made bed and while I was sorting clothes into Nathaniel's dresser I heard a sudden clunk which was followed by complete silence.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught the reason for this sudden freeze in their play. Emma's cheek had made contact with Elsa's chin. Elsa's eyes were locked on Emma's face waiting for her cue. Was this a crying moment or not? Emma's hand felt her cheek and her eyes began to fill and a wail quickly filled the pregnant silence.

Hup - there was Elsa's cue! She immeadiatly turned to me with her arms outstretched and a quiver on her lower lip. Her sobs joined Emma's and I hid my grin in her shoulders while she sought comfort for her war wounds. Emma also wrapped her arms around my neck as she sobbed into my ear. Interestingly enough though it was Elsa, who had had to search for a clue as whether this injury warrented tears or not, who was still in my arms being comforted long after Emma had recovered and moved on to her next activity.

And to be honest, I didn't mind those few extra minutes of holding her warm, chubby little body with her soft red curls next to my cheek. In fact, I quite enjoyed them. Read more!

A cool math site

Whether you homeschool or your children (or grandchildren) are schooling elsewhere - here is a great site where a child can practice math online or you can create worksheets for extra practice.
Thank you Michaela for directing me to it!

Math Fact Cafe

Read more!

Mid week poll update

So far "ambivalence" is in the lead...

What will you do when the Da Vinci Code opens on the 19th?

Answers Votes Percent 1. I am planning on boycotting it. 4 9% 2. I plan on "othercotting" it by seeing something else that day. 5 11% 3. I'm actually going to see it. 3 7% 4. I am going to protest it with friends outside our theater. 2 5% 5. I am ambivilant about it and will probably do nothing. 28 64% 6. While I feel strongly against it - I am unsure what I will do. 2 5%

Read more!

Finally..

The stats for the longest running poll in the history of this blog! Feeding the hungry won by a landslide. Check out the newest poll.

Answers			Votes	Percent
1.		Feed the hungry.	30	56%
2.		Give drink to the thirsty.	3	6%
3.		Clothe the naked.	2	4%
4.		Shelter the homeless.	0	0%
5.		Visit the sick.	5	9%
6.		Visit those in prison.	1	2%
7.		Bury the dead	2	4%
8.		A combination of the above.	11	20%

Read more!

What not to buy your wife for Mother's Day...

Here are the five worst gifts you could buy your wife for Mother's Day and possibly end up on the couch for the night!

1) The Hot Mom's Handbook by Denay. Do not purchase (or even suggest to your wife that she should purchase) this book. However mums - feel free to share this little gem with each other. But men, trust me, while possibly every mum will love this book - don't BUY IT for her. It will only lead to one question and one question only.... "Excuse me - are you trying to tell me that I am NOT hot?"

2) Hot Moma: How to have a babe and be a babe by Salmansohn. If your wife is pregnant - again this is NOT a book for Mother's Day or any day. Leave this book for her girl friend to suggest. Unless, that is, you happen to have a special ardor for the living room couch...

3) Don't even think about excercise equipment or signing her up at the local gym - I don't care how great a special they are having. If you value your marriage (and maybe your life) you will do well to stay away from the whole excercise idea.

4) Firming cream or otherwise known as Facial Cream. If you are not convinced just ask Dan Bean. He will caution you not even to mention such a thing, never mind buy it.

5) Nothing.... Do not let Mother's day go by without buying her something "because she's not your mum!". If nothing else, buy her card and slip an IOU inside. That IOU could be redeemed for say... washing the dishes for her one evening a week for the next month. Try it and see just how appreciative the mother of your children is for such a nice treat. (Okay, for those with dishwashers - perhaps it would be for tidying the kitchen...) Read more!

illness abounds...

I feel like a modern day Job. Our son has returned from school and put off starting a job with Fed Ex for a few weeks so he can help us jump start the new web site. And so, of course, we are all sick. Even me. I have temperature, and considering how high it is, I feel amazingly well. I can only attribute that to God!

However, regardless of how ill various members of the family are, we will have to plug on as we only have this extra pair of hands for two weeks. Posting might be sporatic over the next two weeks, but I will be as faithful as possible and keep you posted as to our progress as well as any comical happenings that might amuse folks.

This weekend is our daughters graduation from college - please keep us in your prayers that we will be recovered in time and all of us be able to enjoy this very special time in our daughter's life.

God Bless You All! Read more!

By two pm Emma and I were seated together in a cold tub...

Sometime during the night, the number of lumps under blankets in my bed rose from three, the standard number to four. Emma had crawled in with us and the temperature of hte balnkets around her increased somewhat, making me wonder if she was brewing a temperature. Sure enough when morning dawned and I rolled my sleepy body out of bed Emma was in deed not looking her normal chipper self. Her eyes had that 'sunken, I'm not well' look to them and when I touched her forehead, it was hot. I dug about in my children's medicine drawer, the one dedicated to fever relief. (We have many medicine drawers, an adult pain relief drawer, another for asthma meds and so on.) I found some orange gooey stuff and convinced Emma that it would make her feel better.

By the time we were ready to leave for church she was almost as good as new. I most relieved as it was going to be a busy, busy day. Today was First Communion for two children we knew, Aiden and Theresa. We wanted to be there to help them and their families celebrate such a special day. After that we were going to pick up the rental we needed for our drive to Ohio, as well as a U-haul, buy groceries for the children staying home, return to church for the Parish picnic and then leave for Ohio.

It was about one pm when we pulled into the drive from getting the gorceries and the childrne hoped out eager to load the van with the baking that had been done the previous two days before. Three Alexanders cakes, 190 pretzel rolls and two roasts. Despite the boding clouds and drizzle, we were all hoping that the rain would hold off until the picnic was over. As I gathered Emma up to bringher in, I noticed that we had that not good feeling back in her eyes. I was going to give her some more Motrin but got distracted by some other activity and Hugo called me. Emma was curled up beside him and was shivering. I took her temp and it was over 105.

By two pm Emma and I were seated together in a cold tub, I in my bathing suit and she with a dripping wet cold face cloth over her head. My husband was drizzeling tempid water over her that made her scream, "No, not told water Daddy, I needs hot water, I better now, I better! Her teeth chattered, and she began to shake even more. I checked her temp again - it was 107. Fighting panic, I turned the cold water on even further. Emma continued to scream as we tried to calm her down. Gradually we managed to get her temp back down to a manageable 103.

So my list of excuses as to why I might not be about for a few days has changed to just one - Emma is sick. Our priest has prayed over and annointed her with oil and friends are praying for her as her little body fights this virus. So I ask all of you (again) to join your hearts with ours as we pray for her to recouperate quickly; and that my husband, who now needs to drive to Ohio without my help, will be safe. Read more!

Julie D., author of Happy Catholic , has left a comment regarding the idea of seeing Over the Hedge as an alternative to the Da Vinci Code, asking if I had seen the reviews or trailors for this movie. I had to admit that I had not, but I have now read one review and will check out some trailors as well.

I have to say the one review I just read, reminded me of the year we first moved to the country and discovered we had mice. Cute, cuddly looking, brown vermin. Being rather short on dinero, I opted for the no nonsence simple tan coloured, wooden, quick kill mousetraps. I left one under the kitchen sink before retiring for the night. With our bedroom being above the kitchen, in this tiny duplex we were residing in, I was awakened sometime in the night by a sharp snaps that rang through the floor under my bed. I rolled over and went back to sleep with a sense a satisfaction. Amazing how parenthood changes our values. At eight, I would have been crying myself to sleep.

In the morning, I checked under the counter and sure enough the trap was sprung having claimed not just one, but two mice. One was slightly larger than the other, giving you the impression that they were a couple who had been out in the night foraging for their little family who were now obviously orphans. As we quickly scooped them into the garbage can before little eyes came down the stairs I commented to Hugo:
"You know, if this were a Disney movie, you and I would be the villians. "

The review of Over the Hedge emphasizes that it has a strong environmental message which leads me to wonder just how much we will all feel the villian, if this review is accurate in its description. I still think I will try to take myself and the kids to a movie somewhere that day - whether it is Over the Hedge, or another movie. If I have the time to see some trailors, I will post some links AND the kids' reaction to them. Read more!

Vote at the Box Office...

This is not such a novel idea as some might think. I believe we rocked the socks of Hollywood when the Christians of this country pushed The Passion into a box office success and boom after all of Hollywood doom and gloom about how it would fail because it was too gory, too raw, too... true.

It is being suggested that once more we vote with our dollars - regarding the Da Vincy Code. And not, as you might think, by staying home.

Read here and here. Please take the time to read these links. If you blog, share these links on your blog. If you don't blog, email them to everyone you can think of. We MUST take action and this is a very good one that is suggested here. Let's take those box offices by storm!

I will be leaving this post at the top of my blog and will add new posts below for the next week or so. I don't even know when the Davinci Code opens, but obviously I need to remedy this. I will post this fact when I find out unless someone cares to edify us by leaving a comment.

(Credit for the original post of these links belong to Danielle Daily, which I suspect many of you also read.)

LET'S CAST OUR VOTES ON MAY 19TH - THE OPENING DATE FOR THE DA VINCI CODE.
Let's make ourselves HEARD in a way Hollywood understands! Read more!

A link and...

...a list of excuses as to why I won't be around for oh - about five days.

First the link; Robert Munsch , exAmerican, now Canadian famous auther that my kids loved when they were little and that I about to re-introduce to my second bunch of little kids, only he has more books now.

Now for my excuses:
1) My husband hurt his back and so I am now also listing items for sale - only we are selling on my eBay acount 'cause we can't afford to pay out ebay fees this week...
2) My husband hurt his back so I am now helping my son pack - the items we sold on my husband's account last week.
3) My husband hurt his back and my son wants him to make his "to die for incredible" roast for the May Picnic this weekend.
4) My husband hurt his back and we had to return his lap top so we could pay for some bills so that we can start picking up items we bought from all over the country that we will now have to list on my ebay account because my husband's is frozen... AND because my husband no longer has his lap top - I have to share my computer with him...
5) My husband hurt his back and Sunday night we will leave for Ohio- after spending about 5 hours at the church since that is the day we are having the picnic. We won't be back from Ohio until late Tuesday.
6)Did I mention my husband hurt his back?

See you Tuesday or Wednesday when I will try to squeeze someting on my blog before I pack up to go to Charlotte for Jenny's graduation. Which reminds me - I have three dresses I need to take to the dry cleaners! Read more!

Is God as Reliable as my Rocking chair?

We were in the midst of our morning Rosary and Emma was wandering about the living room, distracting us as usual. Finally someone asked her to sit down. She danced her way across the living room rug and stopped in front of a child size rocking chair, Elsa’s actually. Without looking behind her to make sure that the chair was ready to catch her – she just plopped her little bottom down and landed comfortable in the soft chair. I could only see her head over the top of the it and her delicate ankles beneath it as she pushed with her tiny toes to rock the chair.

Would she still have this confidence if someone habitually pulled the chair out from under her as she sat, or if the chair tended to collapse as she sat on it? Obviously not.

Her complete confidence in the chair got my mind working and I thought about how we all have that same confidence in chairs. Without a thought we simply plunk ourselves into a chair completely confident that its arms will enfold us and the frame will catch us. We never suspect that someone is going to possibly pull the chair out from under us, or that the legs will simply crack and collapse from our weight.

This confidence has built up over time, from our continued use of chairs and the reliability they have shown us, day after day, hour after hour, and year after year. Yet, I wondered, why have I not had this complete faith in God? Is it because when I do lean on Him, He collapses from my weight? Or pulls away in jest the way someone will occaisionally tease us with a chair? Or is it because, unlike my daily use of chairs, I have not used God’s invitation to rely on Him daily? And so, I have not built up confidence in Him as I have with chairs?

This really left me with a lot to think about.

(image found at: www.tvacres.com/chairs_edithann2.jpg) Read more!

Touching Base with Our Heritage

Part of the heritage that belongs to our children has roots in Latvia. My husbands great grandmother, great aunt and his grandmother were among the few of his family to survive the Bolshevik Revolution and upon escaping Latvia, were refugees in Europe for many years before settling in Argentina. (We are currently researching what happened in Latvia at that time. It is possible the revolution was not the actual Bolshevik revolution but the family has always referred to it as such. regardless all of the male members of the family were murdered and only the females escaped.)

My 19 year old son decided to begin exploring those roots. He has explored the arts, the culinary delights, as well as the history of this wonderful country. As a result of his research we were treated to some delightful baking that both hen and his sister Anna, engaged in one soggy wet day last week.

Discover some of what we enjoyed in the posts below. I will add recipes later. Read more!

Team work...

Working together on the Pretzels. Miguel is about to hand off the mixer to Anna. It was such great fun watching these two work together trying recipes that had never been made by anyone in our immeadiate family before. However, we do have a great grand father who was a pastry chef. Seems he passed on his skills through the gene pool.

One of two layers that needed to be baked for the Alexander's Cake.

These are delicous Pretzel Rolls, which had to be boiled and then baked. Despite it being a large recipe, these dissapeared pretty fast.

The finished product; Alexander's Cake, oh it was so delicous. I was unable to photograph the whole cake, it was devoured too quickly.

Read more!

Hiatus

I will be taking a short hiatus from my blog. Hopefully only for a few days. We are at a cross roads with our business and at the same time exhausted from a four year struggle just to surive. This past week has been especially hard. Yesterday - simply exhausting. We managed to get the money together needed to pay for the auctions but were unable to get a single person to confirm that the company received our funds. We will not know until Monday. Again, we are trying to leave it in God's hands and trust.

So for a few days while our family works hard to make some very crucial decisions, I will take a short break from the blog. I will back soon, and hopefully refreshed with lots to write about. Your prayers for us during the next few days will be very appreciated. Read more!

Thank you Infant Jesus!

Some of my readers, no doubt, remember the disaster that happened a few months back when some local gentlemen accidently mistakened a 2000 dollar item for scrap metal and removed it, selling it before we could recover it from them.

We were greatly discouraged by this and we were wondering how we would recover from this. I started going through our inventory and I saw two items that were of high value, but had not even had a nibble of interest shown in them since putting them ip for auction. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. Excited, I printed off our auction descriptions for these two items. I then folded them very carefully and tied a pretty bow around them. I then placed them beside our Statue of the Infant of Prague and we started a novena in which we asked the Baby Jesus to sell these two items and that they would be paid for in time to for us to buy more merchandise to sell.

These exact two items sold, and were paid for, just in the nick of time! God is good, so very good. I had intended to post this miracle when we experienced the even greater blessing of our son surviving that incredible accident just before Easter weekend.

Now we are waiting on the wonderful Infant of Prague once more. We did two novenas back to back for assistance while my husband researched and bid on merchandise for our new website, which is almost ready to launch. (I can't wait to show it to all of you. A very generous couple have been assisting us in its conception and birth!) We prayed we would win betweem 20 - 30 auctions and that we would receive enough of the money owed to us from sold merchandise to be able to pay for these 20 - 30 auctions.

We won exactly 30 auctions. We have about half of them paid for. We have enough in receivables to pay for the rest of them... but payments are painfully trickling in!

Faith.
Courage.

This is what I am praying for now. God seems to often tease my husband and I. Not a little unlike the testing of Job's faith. What I don't understand is how, over and over again my faith trembles as the deadlines draw near. How is it that despite so many blessings, I still sometimes falter and fear that perhaps God will ignore our pleas for assistance? Greater still must God wonder.

So I ask one and all to pray for my husband and I to have courage. To have faith. And to receive the graces we need to be patient as we wait... and wait... and watch the deadline creep closer and closer, while the Pay Pal account remains empty.

Thank you Jesus for prayers answered. Thank you for all the blessings you have heaped on us this year. Thank you! Read more!

Which fly is it?

Miguel: "Bethany, your fly is down."

Bethany: (very much puzzeled) "What fly?"

Mummy: "The zipper in your pants is also called a fly."

Bethany: "Oh!"

Sometimes even very simple words get missed in the vocabulary lessons of life!

Read more!

Ahem!

If you would like to know what my angelic children were up to while I was in Florida and Georgia the past 24 hours... click here. Read more!

Please note...

...when tempted to buy a new toy for the baby's first birthday check it out throughly. Aquaint yourself with ALL the sounds that it makes BEFORE you shell out the 6.99 for it. Or you will soon find yourself desiring to hide this toy from her 5 yr old brother who is enthralled with all its bells and whistles. The rest of the family will begin to beg you to hide it adding to your, already high, stress levels.

You will start to wonder where your sanity was when you purchased said bargain. You will also question why your husband did not think either to test out this toy's noise making abilities. After all, you showed it to him too.

All I can say is, he better not add any complaints to those that are already being heaped on my head for having bought this monstrous annoyance, which the baby has already fogotten about. Read more!

My apologies...

I tried to post on Monday - but bloggerspot would not co-operate with me and so my post sat in the draft file until this evening. I also wanted to let you know that we were headed on the road to Florida and Georgia for business. We have already done so and are back in less than 24 hours.

Needless to say - we are poofed. Tomorrow is another run but this time just within NC. There are more trips coming up - to Louisana, Georgia, Virginia, Alabama and Ohio. Many will be 24 hour runs where we drive throught he might spelling each other off. It is Hugo who does the bulk of the driving, I'm there as back up for the rough spots. Like from 3 am to 4 am and for short spells throughout the day. Prayers for safety are very welcome. I will post ahead of trips (hopefully, assuming blogerspot co-operates!) Now I must run, the children who stayed home are still cooking their dinner! The van is almost completly unpacked and a few children are trying out the skipping rope I bought for myself. In other words - chaos reigns.

Blessings
mum2twelve Read more!

Another tid bit from Sister Janet...

There was a time when I visited a Hindu diplomat, the first time I
had ever met him or entered the Embassy. The courtesy and
hospitality towards a complete stranger was incredible, so much so
that I commented on it. The answer? "God has many forms. I do not
know if you are God coming to me in the guise of a stranger. If I
turn you away, then I might have turned God away from my door."

Something I would do well to remember, whether speaking to one of my children, my husband or
a stranger.

Read more!